...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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