Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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