im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
