At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
