Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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