apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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