i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
