God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
