so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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