After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
