last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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