between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
