I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
