I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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