soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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