We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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