He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
