Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
