one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
