is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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