Where did you get a picture of my penis
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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