APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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