omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
