I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
