i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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