Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
