His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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