the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
