mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
