Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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