Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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