I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
