I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
