Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
