i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
