so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
