Can i not drive my cunt home
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
