Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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