Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
