Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
