After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I accidentally had phone sex last night
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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