I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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