Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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