SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
