Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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