She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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