I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
