guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
