I am puke
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
