watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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